14 Jul 2011, 1:43am
your beluga best friend


BBF: how can I deal with control issues????? I get weirdo anxiety whenever I mess up one little detail or things slide just outside of my control. it is RUINING THINGS 🙁

Oh, I know how that is. For many of us, control issues stem from experiences or environments in which we have felt helpless. We develop a need for control as a protective or coping mechanism. Control becomes a habit. Even once we no longer need absolute control to survive, we still fall back on it because we’ve learned to feel safe that way. Breaking the control habit is tough because it requires us to give up behaviors that may have kept us alive in trying times.

I can’t give you a simple answer on how to get over that. But here is a thought for you, something to carry inside your head when you start to feel like this anxiety is intruding on your life.

Your anxiety does not power solutions.

If worrying were the fuel for making everything work the way we want it to, we could just worry ourselves along knowing that at least that energy was driving our security. But worry fuels nothing but more worry, and more anxiety, and more unhappiness.

I know anxiety is not rational—-if it were it’d be easier to talk ourselves down! But you really don’t need to worry about every little thing; our lives have a remarkable way of carrying on whether we are anxious about them or not. It is okay, and even useful, to occasionally stop trying to steer the ship, and just see where the ocean takes you.

Love, Your Beluga Best Friend

Thoughtful nightswimming BBF drawing by Ted, who Tumbls at http://lachrimaestro.tumblr.com/!

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